


It Would Be Enough

by Noiz_Bunny



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Bottom Alexander Hamilton, Fluff and Angst, Gay John Laurens, M/M, Minor Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, Top John Laurens, historical appearences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-02 14:55:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17266247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noiz_Bunny/pseuds/Noiz_Bunny
Summary: Even the most unlikely of people can come together because love conquers all.





	1. New Day

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to make a spin off story from a couple oneshots in my 30 Days of Lams one shots. And boy am I excited. Also I don’t know what historical Lafayette & Hercules look like so imma go with play appearances for them, sorry for the inconsistency.
> 
> Random side note = little people syndrome = smaller people are balls of anger

Third time’s a charm.

At least, that’s what pops told me. Regardless of all the fights I’ve been in and suspensions at home, my dad never once yelled at me or made me feel bad about it. He called them our man to man talks— men don’t yell, they discuss and come up with solutions. The solution typically resulted in me being moved to another school or district entirely. My mother, my sweet mother, always supported me. Sure, I sucker punched some kid for some less than polite words, but she would always be in my corner— in the principal’s office pleading my case.

After this last move, I promised I would be better. I’ll work on my temper and hold my tongue because I don’t want to put them at anymore inconvenience. Dad was a big time senator, hoping to work his way to be president and my mother, a doting housewife doing the best she can. It’s a wonder that haven’t returned me back with the social worker, but they never fail to remind me just how much they love me. As if I was their own flesh and blood, their _real_ son.

I trotted down the stairs, meeting George and Martha at the table. She laid out a lovely spread of French toast, eggs, bacon, juice, and coffee. I reach for the pot, only for it to be snatched away by dad.

”You know drinking this stuff won’t make you any taller.”

”Ha, ha dad.”

I laughed dryly. Obviously proud of himself, George nursed the hot cup of joe from his ‘greatest dad’ cup while reading the local paper. I remembered going to Hallmark with mom that day, we had both forgotten father day was that Sunday and neither of us had gotten dad anything. We scrambled to every shop to find a meaningful gift that didn’t seem last minute. He loved the cup and the set of clubs Martha scrounged up for a bargain from Academy. Thankfully, Dad is a pretty dense guy and was nine the wiser, thought we had been planning it for months even.

“Geez Alexander, I wish you’d brush your hair. If you’re determined to keep it this long, then maintain it.”

She set a plate before him then magically pulled a brush out of thin air and tamed my fiery mane. I groaned in protest until she waggled her scrawny finger in my face as a final warning— I of course shut up. After she fixed me up, she took her seat next to her husband and ate breakfast. I did the same, anxiously watching the clock. Not that I was terribly excited to go to school, but it’s my senior year and I wanted to this right— finish strong and make those everlasting friendships. Maybe not the friendships part, ‘cause everyone knows high school friendships never last, but we can always try.

”I’ve never seen you so excited for school before. Are you really my son?”

Dad was full of jokes this morning as he spooned some eggs into his mouth with a smirk on his face.

”Look at you, Mr. Comedian. And I don’t know, just real jittery you know? It’s the beginning of my last year in high school and honestly, I haven’t given much thought on what to do after this.”.

The joking air disepated as George trained his eyes on me.

“It’s nothing to stress about my boy. You’re incredibly intelligent and you can do anything you put your mind to and whatever that may be, your mother and I will support you one hundred percent.”

I blushed, not sure how to respond. It really made me feel shitty that I spent the beginning of my adolescence being a complete jackass and making their mundane life a living hell. 

“That’s right, honey. I know you’ll be a super star someday sweetheart. We’re proud to be your parents.”

I jumped up from the table, overwhelmed by the mushy love fest. I cleaned my plate and laid it in the sink, hiding my hot pink blush. Martha handed me my book bag and stole a kiss on my cheek then pinched my hot cheek.

”Oh, how I love your chubby freckly cheeks! Have a good day, Alex.”

I rubbed my cheek, waving goodbye to her and dad then started down the road. I scratched my neck, uncomfortable in my usual fall garb. My sweater felt suffocating and my jeans a tad too skinny— I’m psyching myself out, relax Alex. You’ve done school plenty times before, don’t be nervous now. 

It was about a 15 minute walk to school, 10 if I put some pep in my step. I weaved through the parking lot and up the stairs when a I saw a trio of incredibly handsome guys by the entrance. A burly dark skinned guy, large barrel chest, and line backer shoulders with kinky coils held back with a navy sweat band. A slightly shorter chocolate complected boy with a scraggly beard— not sure if that was allowed, but it looked great. And the beauty that initially caught my eye, towered above them both, probably pushing about 6’3— wavy blonde hair gracefully fell on his shoulders and impeccably dressed in preppy attire. I felt dwarfed by the model-esque group, dumbfounded how they could be so gorgeous in the thick of puberty unlike their acne ridden peers. I’m pretty easy on the eyes, not to toot my own horn, but I barely reached this point not too long ago myself. 

I squared my shoulders and puffed my chest and breezed by them— presumably asserting my dominance, they of course paid me no mind. I dug in my pocket, uncrumpling a paper given to me at orientation with my locker number, combination, and class schedule. I wandered around like lost duckling as I searched for my locker amongst the sea of people, finally locating it. After fumbling with the lock, I emptied my million ton bag full of books and other decor for my plain metal box. I pinned a picture of me and my parents in the Bahamas from that summer— George wore this goofy straw sun hat and too big shades, Martha sat in the back sipping a margarita, and me front and center with a cheesy smile and peace sign. It was my favorite picture of us and something I wouldn’t mind staring at everyday.

I peered down at my phone, there were about five minutes before first bell and I should probably get a headstart to avoid getting lost in the crowd. I shut my locker and went in a direction that I hoped my biology class was in, catching a glance of the beautiful men. They seemed to be laughing about something, the dark skinned duo had astonishingly white teeth equating to beautiful smiles while their companion gave half a smile, shaking his head. He seemed the most aloof of the three, I could feel his sexy mystique from here. I was so engrossed in their interaction, failing to realize they were heading right for me. The bearded boy collided into me, he obviously not paying attention either.

”Merde! Ma faute! I didn’t see you there, are you okay?”

I blinked rapidly, taken aback by the accent and battling back the heat bubbling to my cheeks. Alas, my paper white skin always fails me in that arena.

”Yeah, sorry. I was trying to, uh, find my class and I wasn’t paying attention. But I’m good! Totally good! So, so sorry.”

My mouth was spewing nonsense a thousand miles per second, I’ve been here a grand total of maybe 20 minutes and already embarrassed myself.

”Good, good! We can probably help you with that, I’m Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette. Or Lafayette for short, I know it’s a mouthful.”

”Alexander.”

He extended his hand and I took it, giving it a firm shake. Lafayette snatched the paper from me and scanned over the information. His companions had yet to introduce themselves, instead they stood behind him muttering to each other. Instinct told me to pop off with a snarky comment and criticize them for their bad manners, however good judgement said keep my mouth shut.

”You’re a lucky guy, seems like you have a lot classes with these smarty pants. So they’ll be your best buddies. You actually have biology with Herc.”

Lafayette gestured the linebacker boy, he was so big even his backpack seemed too small for him. 

“Well Alexander, we got a walk to get to bio, so let’s get going. See you at lunch, Laf. John.”

Lafayette smiles brightly, enthusiastically bidding us good bye while John gave a half hearted wave.

Hercules took long strides down the long hallway and I struggled to keep up— I was practically jogging to match his pace. 

“So you a freshman, shorty?”

He was awfully friendly, already dishing out pet names.

”No. I’m a senior. Just kinda short.”

He stifled a laugh and quickly swallowed it, hoping I hadn’t heard. Unfortunately I did, old Alex would’ve punched him in an instant— height is a touchy subject. But I let it go.

”Nice, we’re seniors too.”

The conversation ended at that, he clearly wasn’t a man of many words. Which I didn’t mind, I tend to talk to much, so it’s a good regulator. Eventually we made it to biology, it was a stark white lab with high tables and stools instead of desks. Hercules made a beeline to table in the back close to the window, beckoning for me to join him. I reluctantly do so, I’m more of a front seat guy, it helps you pay better attention, or so they say. Since it was the first day, the teacher droned on about the syllabus and class breakdown. I tuned it out and looked over the room. Hercules’ face rested in his hand as he quietly snores— I now see why he chose this seat. I scan further right, meeting the eyes of this lovely brunette. Her eyes doe-like and a lovely shade of deep brown— her cheeks round and face oval shaped. She wore a simple Peter Pan dress in light blue, complimenting her light caramel skin.

”God, I wonder what her name is.”

Hercules jumped, startled out of his sleep.

”Huh, what? What happened man?”

I physically cringed at my outburst and shook my head nervously.

”Nothing, sorry.”

He grunted and repositioned himself, quickly finding sleep once again. I turned back to the girl, but she had already refocused her attention to the front. 

The rest of the class and the remainder of the day went like this. Boring explanations, awkward icebreakers, and me stealing glances at the mystery girl and John. Hercules and I share calculus and biology while John and I had English, history, and French. Hercules attempted to have conversation with me— pmuch to his discomfort, to build repore. However, John acted as if I didn’t exist. Occasionally, I’d feel his stare on me, but by the time I decided meet him, he redirected his attention. It was idiotic game of cat and mouse I refused to participate in.

At the day’s end, I returned to my locker, tucking away the mountain of papers and exchanging them for a history book. My rotten US teacher, Mr. Eacker decided it was a bright idea to assign reading the first day. ‘Being in an advanced class means you are prepared to complete an advanced workload’— stupid rationale, but new Alexander is a mild mannered, good student. I closed my locker and retreated out the school doors, finding the trio in their spot from this morning. Lafayette and Hercules chattered away as John listened and smiled.

”Alex! Get over here!”

Both of them are overly friendly, I never introduce myself as _just_ Alex and only my parents call me that.

”So how was the first day? Boring, huh?”

”Yeah, definitely. Information overload, gave me a bit of a headache, honestly.”

The Frenchman laughed heartily. He was quite energetic, seems like a pretty fun character. And Hercules, seemed nice, obviously more talkative as you get to know him. But that John, just rubs me the wrong way. He’s suspiciously handsome and those eyes just seem to be constantly judging.

”I feel that! Say, I noticed you looked a bit lonely at lunch, you should sit with us tomorrow.”

John rolled his eyes, obviously tired of holding tongue.

”Laf, really? Just ‘cause you bumped into the guy doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be his den mother.”

Hercules swatted his arm, not liking what came out of him as much as I did. I pursed my lips, fighting back the venomous words that wanted to desperately pour out.

”Chill, John. He seems cool, don’t be a dick.”

Before he could relay his rebuttal, I interjected.

”Thanks for the invitation, but I rather not infringe on anything. Thanks for today though.”

It was as passive aggressive as I could muster without full on calling him a stuck up pretty boy and blackening his eye. I started back down the road back home, slightly pissed, but rather pleased. I landed two possible friendships on my first day and managed not to bash in someone’s skull. That’s success in my book. As I neared our driveway, dad’s car wasn’t there, he must’ve went into his office today— rare sight. Before entering the house, I noticed the beige 1960 Cadillac Seville zoom up to the cul-de-sac and squeal into the Laurens’ driveway. We weren’t especially close with the family, all I knew was the father, Henry, was one of the New York’s house reps. Dad wasn’t too big a fan of him, said he was too engrossed with image control and people pleasing than doing what’s right— took a lot for my docile dad to sincerely dislike someone. And lo and behold, that blond jackass turned out to be his son, the apple plopped straight down from the tree, I guess. 

He entered his house and so did I. My mom was sitting on the couch knitting something and gaffawing at the Ellen DeGeneres show. My keys clattering in the bowl broke her from her investment in her afternoon programs.

”Hey hun! How was school? You like this one?”

 _This_ _one_. Had a bit of a sour taste. She always insists that my old schools weren’t good fit hence why I acted out. Never that her precious baby was a hot-headed, bad mouthed short stack with major little people syndrome. A mother’s love is definitely unconditional. 

“It was good, Ma. I’m kinda tired though, I think i’ll take a nap. Wake me up when dad gets home, or dinner. Whichever happens first.”

She smiled brightly, all the wrinkles scrunching up on her petite face. She reached up, ruffling my messy hair.

”Alright, have a good rest, baby.”

I nodded and retreated up the stairs to my room. I chucked my bag in the corner and threw myself into my hastily made bed. There was no light, my black out curtains absorbed any and all light except from my fish tank. The low hum of the filter gave a pleasant white noise in the darkness and eased my mind. Though I’m not particularly stressed—much too early to be feeling stressed, more so anxious that there was a new set of unknowns and that I’ll no longer be in this loving nest and be forced to fly on my lonesome. Rather than dwell and spiral into a complete panic attack, I shut my eyes— shut them real tight and allowed the bubbling and humming of my fish lull me to sleep.


	2. John

That week felt grossly long, like, uncomfortably long. Classes were relatively easy, felt good to have those familiar faces and I had yet to ask that mystery girl her name— despite Hercules’ constant pressure. I wouldn’t say I became a full fledge members of the clique, but they were warming up to me. Well, Lafayette and Hercules were. John continued to nonchalantly ignore my existence during lunch and class, it was quite awkward. So much so, I could no longer let it slide.

After history, before he could rush out the classroom, I seized his desk— slamming my hands down a little harder than intended.

”Oh, it’s you.”

His unbothered tone, angered me all the more. If I didn’t know any better, it sounded like he truly had no clue that I existed in any capacity.

”Yeah, it’s me. Listen, I’ve been trying to ignore it, but you completely writing off my presence is really pissing me off. If you don’t want me around, then just say it.”

I scowled at him, patiently awaiting another snarky quip— anything so I can just tear into him. But instead of sarcastic remark, I recieved a puzzle look like a puppy— a really cute puppy.

”Sorry.. I’m not exactly following you here.”

I had half a mind to lay into him, was he really going to sit in my face and lie after I spent this entire week being subject to his rudeness. But it really seemed like he was genuinely confused by the confrontation. I bit my lip, unsure how to continue with this and as if a light bulb clicked on, John realized what was going on here. 

“Shit, fuck. Excuse me, sorry for the language. But that’s not at all what’s going on here. I know I came off a bit brash, but I didn’t mean to offend. Laf can be a bit overbearing, he gots that motherly instinct, y’know? And I just thought, that maybe he didn’t wanna be bothered, so I let you be. I’d love to be your friend no doubt, but I didn’t wanna seem.. pushy, I guess?”

My cheeks burned, as usual—embarrassed by my asanine behavior and ambushing him like this. I scratched my freckles, at a loss on how to apologize. He laughed, it was genuine— nothing fake or forced about it, a pure hearted laugh. It made my heart jump a bit. 

“That’s cute. Y’know, I’ve never met a real ginger before, where ya from?”

His shortened speech, didn’t match his elegant and grandiose appearance. Come to think of it, this is only the second time I’ve ever heard him talk— it was slow and precise as if English wasn’t his first language.

”Um, Nevis. It’s an island in the Caribbean, I moved here when I was about 10.”

He nodded, smiling a bit. 

“Cool. So that must mean you’re a pretty good swimmer?”

I cocked my head to the side, unsure of what that was supposed to mean. Was that a racist jab or islanders are supposed to be good swimmers? Either way it wasn’t a very intelligent question.

”Relax, I’m joking.”

John rose from the desk and slung his canvas bag over his shoulder and exited the now empty room. I felt majorly insecure next to him, he made me feel like a toddler with his excessive height. I stood at a decent 5’7, but I came up to his chest. It’s a bit immasculating, to be honest. 

“You tell me, where are you from, John?”

”South Carolina. Charleston, to be exact.”

”That’s a real different place then upstate New York.”

Before I noticed, our legs had carried us to my locker, I was supposed to switch out my textbooks. I fumbled with my lock as John leaned against the opposite side.

”Yeah, it’s a big difference. We still go down there for summer vacations and stuff ‘cause I can’t live without a trip to the beach. I bet the beaches back home for you must be amazing, you and your parents ever go?”

My hands clammed up, unsure how I was going to lie my way out of this. I haven’t been back since Mom— my real mom, and I escaped after the hurricane. I didn’t know how to tell him I’m an illegal immigrant and George is handling my papers despite the conflict of interest. How to tell him that those people smiling with me in that picture weren’t my real parents. Or how to explain how those people became my parents. Thankfully, John took the hint from my long silence that it was a touchy subject and dropped it. He closed my locker for me and smiled— once again it was huge, he was even more handsome when he smiled.

”Hey, we should get to French.”

I nodded, following his lead. Although I didn’t really need to take French, I could’ve taken up the challenge of Spanish or something, but as Nevis has a large French speaking population, myself being included— our French is very different from France.

We took our seats and instead of me sitting lightyears away like before, John invited me to sit next to him— kicking some other poor kid out his seat. I slid my homework on my desk and patiently waited for Monsieur to walk to through the aisles and collect it. 

“Hey, me and the guys are gonna go to the arcade after school, wanna tag along? Since we’re cool and all now.”

I agreed, knowing full well I’ll be royally embarrassed since I had no video game skills. My childhood was filled with nonstop reading, writing, and mastering the English language. My mother always had a plan to leave Nevis from the second I was born— she knew that there were better things for me out there and it wasn’t in Nevis. Occasionally, I’d go out and play with the other neighborhood kids, but most days were spent inside in my makeshift school with my mom. I missed her— a lot less these days, but the void is still there.

John smiled, seemingly awfully proud of himself and turned his attention the front. Monsieur was scribbling the five verbs on the marker board— obviously it’s conjugation day. Class went without a hitch, we watch videos with catchy tunes and practiced some nursery rhymes to solidify the concepts, it was quite enjoyable. The bell for lunch rang and John jumped up from his seat with me in tow— beelining to the lunchroom. They had expressed to me that it’s important for one of them, I guess us now seeing as I’m apart of the clique— get to lunch quick to nab a table.

I gave up chasing him and slowed down my run— my thoughts drifted back to my mom. It appeared to be one of those days, once I get to thinking about it I can’t stop. Martha tells me it’s healthy to think about it sometimes because no matter how many foster families I’ve had, she’ll always be my mother and no woman could ever replace her. I didn’t like thinking about it though, I feel like I’ve betrayed her in a way; she was supposed to be nagging me about my hair, making me breakfast before dashing to work, seeing me graduate next spring, giving me advice on how to navigate the world. I took that away from her— if I hadn’t gotten sick then maybe she’d-  _stop_. It was becoming unhealthy now, blaming myself won’t bring her back or reverse time. And I had been standing at the cafeteria doors way too long, kids were giving me weird looks now.

I scanned the now full room in search for the gang, he grabbed the usual table and I joined them. 

“Where were you, mon ami? Don’t you and John have class together before this?”

”Yeah, I had to take a leak, my bad.”

All three said ‘no worries’ in unison, earning a roarus laugh from all four. Hercules pulled out some crochet needles with thread attached to each with the beginnings of a something on it.

”What the hell is that, Herc?”

John took a bite of a sandwich as Hercules huffed at the comment.

“It’s a headband! Winter is coming and you fools will be jealous when I’m warm and your ears are falling off from frostbite.”

”Oh, s’il vous plaît mon ami, make me one protect my precious ears from the harsh winter!”

Lafayette cried, covering his tanned ears. Hercules chuckled as he stitched.

”You gotta pay me, you know I’m a young hustler out here and I don’t mean money.”

John whooped at the flirtatious comment as the Frenchman pretended to hide his blush, unfazed by the pass. 

“Oh mon cher, quel courage de vous! C'est le début du week-end, alors je te laisse faire ta salope. How does that sound?”

”I don’t know what you said, but yes to all of it.” 

While the other two sat there dumbfounded, I was doubled over in laughter. Lafayette turned to me with bright eyes, astonished by my understanding.

”Parlez vous français, mon ami?!”

”Oui oui, Lafayette. Je parle assez bien.”

Hercules nudged John’s shoulder while Lafayette and I continued to jabber I’m in French.

”It’s only the first week of school, how did he get so good at French?”

”He’s from a French island in the Carribean, I think he’s taking French for an easy A.”

Hercules nodded approvingly and went back to crocheting.  

“Hey, you didn’t get anything to eat, mon ami?”

I blushed, embarrassed of my picky eating. When I came here, I had a real hard time eating American food so much so I could really only stomach my mother’s cooking. Martha typically made my lunch, but she was really caught up in her stocks this morning, so much so all me and George has for breakfast was toast and eggs. 

“I just can’t stomach school lunch and I forgot to make my lunch last night. No big deal.”

Lafayette shrugged, happily digging into the way too shiny mac and cheese on his tray. I shuddered that he could truly enjoy that stuff. We continued the playful banter and lunch quickly ended. And so did the school day. I went to my locker and gathered all the books I would need to complete my ass load of homework before joining the guys outside. Lafayette and Hercules were snuggled up, cooing and flirting in broad daylight— John awkwardly hovered as their third wheel. I looked around and no one batted an eyelash while I know being openly gay isn’t that strange of a thing here, I can’t bring myself to do it. I play for both teams, but I feel safer playing for the normal team.

“Hey, Alex! Looks like we’re hitting the arcade by ourselves.”

He gestured to the two guys making out in the corner of the school steps. Lafayette awkwardly turned with Hercules’ arms still holding him tight.

”Alex! I do apologize for flaking, but I gotta make good on my words.”

He stroked his lover’s cheek and waved goodbye as they hurried to Herc’s red pick up, leaving me and John alone. 

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, I can just go home.”

”Hey, would you happen to live on Liberty Bell Drive?”

He raised a brow.

”Yeah, h-how did you know that?”

”You drive a brown ‘60 Seville?”

”Alright, are you stalking me or something, cause this is getting a little weird.”

I pause, understanding what he means—I could’ve definitely done this better.

”Ok, let me back track. My name is Alexander Hamilton-Washington, probably should’ve told you that Monday. And I live in that big red brick two story.”

John’s discomfort melted into surprise, then confusion.

”I’m telling you this as an extremely roundabout way to ask you to come over cause I won’t be able to stomach that pizza and I suck at games.”

”Alright, thanks for that disclosure weirdo.”

My legs began carry me down the usual road until John pulled me back to his car.

”No way in hell, excuse my language, will I let you walk home or to school anymore and we live on the same street.”

He unlocked the car and we slid in, the interior was a cream white leather with brown floor mats— quite fancy for a high school senior, but his dad is a house representative.

”It’s nicer than I thought. Not to sound weird.”

”It’s late for that buddy.”

I laughed as he sped out the parking lot and up our street. He looked really cool driving, one hand on the wheel in his lazy day gear— loose V neck, light grey joggers, and dainty sliver chain adorning his neck. John just has this overall sexy air about him and if I could be as open as Lafayette, there’d be no hesitation in shooting my shot. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. 

We first pulled up to his house then walked to my house. Both George and Martha were home and will be pleasantly surprised that I’m bringing a friend home and so soon. After being thrown into foster care, I was never the same kid. I was always fly at the mouth and hot headed, but being put into system enhanced it, meaning I didn’t really play well with others. I’ve put five different families under my belt before the Washingtons, they said my liveliness would brighten up their home and the rest was history.

”Mom, Dad?! I’m home and I brought a friend!”

I heard Martha’s sewing room door slam close as she trotted into the den, Dad followed out of his study.

”Well if it isn’t John Laurens, you’ve gotten so big! You look just like your father. Come in honey, you hungry?”

George gave him a strong pat on the back.

”You looking good, son! How’s your father?”

”He’s doing good, sir. Always working, but good.”

Martha retreated to the kitchen, already to cooking.

“How are you Alex, first week went good?”

”Yeah, it’s going good. Thanks pops. We’re gonna head up to my room.”

George nodded and disappeared back into his study.

”I’m making those ginger snaps you like, I’ll bring them up when they’re ready baby!”

My cheeks heated up a little embarrassed, no one’s ever seen how overbearing, yet sweet my parents are. 

“Thanks, mom!”

John followed me up to the stairs and into my room. I pulled back the curtains to let in the grey daylight when I turned, he was totally engrossed in my fish tank on my dresser. Lightly rapping on the glass, my little fluorescent fish scattered. 

“It’d be a lot better if you had a turtle.”

“Sorry, but I’m not a big fan of turtles or reptiles in general.”

”That’s unfortunate.”

He walked away from the tank and sunk into my desk chair while I sat on my bed. We awkwardly watched each other for a moment before John decided to break the ice.

”Tell me about you Alexander, since I’m here in your room. It’d be cool to have you know have a one on one type thing.”

I shuffled awkwardly on my bed, not really ready to disclose anything to anybody. No one besides George and Martha know anything about me and cared enough to know, so it’s weird to have someone to be interested in that sort of thing. 

“You really don’t wanna know, I promise.”

“Try me.”

I wanted to be an open book— holding all this shit up isn’t exactly the greatest feeling. I know absolutely squat about this guy, but my gut tells me he’s ok, he’s a safe space. But how can I tell someone about me, who I am, how I got here, what I’ve been through? Will he understand? Will he want to understand? No one really knows besides George and Martha and I’d prefer to keep it that way. I don’t think I’m ready to be that vulnerable with anyone anyway.

“Alright. I guess you’re not at that level with me.”

“Yeah.. I guess not.”


	3. John (Reprise)

These first two weeks have been the fastest of my young life. Maybe because it’s my last year or just that new scenery picks up the space. But I must admit, living a domestic, normal school life is nice— zero fights, suspensions, or disagreements with teachers, just being a normal teenager. 

“Mes amies! The Schulyers are holding their annual back to school party! And this will be the last year since Eliza is the last fun sister! Even my love, Angelica will be there.”

Hercules shoved his elbow into Lafayette’s rib, obviously taking offense to the comment while John shrugged—leaving me alienated since I’m not a big party person and have no idea who these Schuylers are supposed to be.

”You’re still hung up on Ang?”

”Oh who wouldn’t, mon ami?! No offense, mon amour, but Angelica is manifique! Perfection!”

I twiddled my thumbs, not knowing when I could interject— now was a time as good as any.

”Hey, so not to sound dumb, but who are you guys talking about?”

As expected, they looked at me like a monkey in a zoo— embarrassment took its rightful place on my cheeks.

”C’mon man, you’re George Washington’s kid, how do you not know Phillip Schuyler? He’s New York’s other senator next to your pops! And he has three daughters, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy— they’re kinda big talk ‘round these parts.”

The short lesson still didn’t ring any bells for me, but to be smack dab in the political scene and the wishful thinking of becoming a lawyer— I was beyond ignorant. 

“It’s Saturday night and it’s only right that we attend.”

John and I exchanged worried glances, neither of us particularly flourish in big crowds. Though we didn’t get intensely personal at my house, we did find out some pretty interesting things about each other. His favorite color is green, he’s the oldest of five children, and a spitting image of his father. While that doesn’t scream fascinating to everyone, it’s the most anyone wanted to voluntarily talk about with me. John gabbed about turtles and art for a long while and I listened, I loved every second of it really. The way his eyes lit up when he was passionate about something reminded me a lot of myself and I took solace in it. I now have a charcoal sketch of a portrait of myself by the blossoming artist, everything was shockingly accurate even down to my pesky freckles. And would you believe rather than refining his talent, he wants to be a doctor— noble, but confusing. Every morning since I look over at that picture to gain the courage to start the day, it never fails to fill my heart with a strange warmth.

”Sounds fun, but I don’t do well in crowds.”

”Oh c’mon ‘Lex! You should get out there and spread your wings, meet some new people! Not forgetting your best pals of course, but y’know branch into other social circles.”

I smiled awkwardly. Hercules makes my name shorter with each passing day, I’ve went from Alexander to Alex and now ‘Lex— by end of the semester he’ll probably address me with an unintelligible grunt.

”John can keep you company! He just goes for the booze and hovers in the corner, you can be wallflowers together!”

Lafayette smiles at his suggestion, really pushing now. Martha and George would be proud to see me get out the house and do something other than read, it’d make them a hell of a lot less worried. Maybe even mystery girl will be there and give me the time of day— that was _real_ wishful thinking.

“Tempting offer, but I think I’ll stay home. Parties really aren’t my thing, thanks for the invite though.”

Lafayette sighed sadly, obviously hoping I’d agree. I wish I had the courage and confidence to go to those kinds of things, but I’d end up making everyone miserable, so I should just be miserable on my own.

”Yeah, I’mma skip to. I’ve been going to these things since middle school. I’m kinda over it.”

The Frenchman groaned louder, now that he’s lost two friends. He looked to Hercules, hoping he was still on board. 

“You know wherever you go, I’ll go. Even if you’ll be drooling over Angie.”

Lafayette smiles, pleased that he was able to wrangle one out of three. I smiled sorrowfully, secretly jealous that I’m not going. It’d be easy to speak up and say I changed my mind, but there’s a gnawing feeling to hold my tongue— the party will be a lot more fun without me, it said. I always put a damper on things, my parents, my friends— I changed everything about their way of life and dynamic and I don’t if it was for the better.

 .  .  .

Saturday night came fast and I had no plans, until my phone came alight— it was John.

 **John** : To return the favor, my parents aren’t home and I’m a little lonely. Wanna come over, watch a movie and order some pizza? Feel free to say no I know you wanted your night in.

I caught myself smiling at the tiny screen. Not to sound selfish, but maybe he held out on the party to spend time with me, but for what? 

 **Alexander** : Yeah, I’ll be there in 15

I slipped on some comfy, yet fashionable joggers and long sleeve then went downstairs.

”Is it ok if I go hang out at John’s house?”

I felt like I was twelve, timidly asking my parents to go play at the neighbor boy’s place. As always, they said yes, ecstatic that I finally allowed myself to make connections with other humans besides them.

I walked over to John’s place in the freezing cold, just the ride over to that party would’ve made me wanna go home. I pulled the scarf further up my face, trying to keep my rosy cheeks warm. Just before I began to knock John swung the door open, obviously awaiting my arrival. His golden locks were pulled back into a low ponytail and he was warmly dressed in a too big sierra turtleneck sweater and joggers. I quickly went in, the fall chill becoming too much for me.

”Sorry for calling you out and it’s so cold out, being in a big house alone kinda sucks.”

”It’s no problem. Last time we hung out at my house, it sort of sucked so this will hopefully make up for that.”

I stripped my coat and scarf, following him into the living area. He already had s spread of chips, popcorn, and other junk on the wooden table— looks like he was pretty ready for my visit, premeditated even. I dropped myself on the fluffy couch, John did the same and sat awfully close to me. Not that I’m complaining, but I thought I’d take note of it. He passed me some ruffles and we spent the next few hours watching bad reality TV.

”So, why didn’t you go to the party? Since you had been going so long?”

John was startled by the sudden question with a mouthful of popcorn— I had to laugh. He quickly swallowed and wiped away the crumbs.

”Y’know I just got bored of it, I guess. I’ve been going since I was in middle school, it’s a bit played out. Parties never change and neither do the people that go to them.”

I nodded, satisfied with the answer, but John didn’t. He fidgeted for a second and was opening and closing his mouth like a fish— struggling to get something out. 

“I also just wanted to.. hang out with you.”

I whipped my head around, no longer interested in the TV. John was frantically rubbing his hands, nervous from his confession— I caught his hands. 

“Me too. Thanks for inviting me over.”

The awkward silence ensued again, but with a different tension— I let go of his hands. I’ve caught myself fantasizing about him quite a lot, I watch his every move and analyze— noting his grace to a science. Maybe it was best to come out with it, but I don’t really know if that’s how I feel. I find people attractive all the time, but never to a point that I want to act on it. I probably shouldn’t, but what’d be the harm? Should, shouldn’t, should, shouldn’t, should, shouldn’t— 

“John! I like you a lot!”

The blonde stared at him still confused.

“You really gotta control that blurting stiff out thing and I like you too, buddy.”

A tiny dagger lodged itself in my heart with the friendly name. But what’s there to be hurt for? That’s what we are and all we’ll ever be, buddies. 

“I meant, maybe like like. I don’t know yet, but you give me a weird feeling.”

”Like good weird?”

”Yeah, good weird.”

There was silence, regret set in. He’s going to call me a faggot and kick me out, maybe even tell my parents. How will George explain away a gay son scandal? What will Martha think of me? 

“Me too. I’ve been drawing you a lot lately and I only draw things I like so many times. So I guess I like you too.”

”Are you gay?”

John made a sour face.

”Does it matter?”

”No.”

Everything about this exchange was painfully uncomfortable. There was no natural flow to the conversation, just stiff staccato beat, but it felt strangely good. I  was relieved, like a tiny weight was taken from me. 

“What do we do?”

”We should hang out more. Just us.”

”Ok.” 

And then it was over as quickly as it began. I wanted to think he wanted to be somewhere else, but for once, I couldn’t rationalize my negativity. John wanted to be here with me, he wanted to tell me that— John wanted me. My heart stuttered a bit, it felt hot and jittery like I was having a heart attack. I looked over at him, his attention already back into the TV and stuffing his face with more popcorn. My eyes drifted south to his hand resting on the olive cushion and I unconsciously intertwined mine with his once more. 

“What are you doing?”

I jumped, just as startled with myself as he was. John squeezed tighter.

“Is this ok?”

”More than ok.”

Oddly enough, I smiled. I smiled big. A big toothy grin, my face and chest felt hot— I just knew I was blushing. I was so happy. I squeezed back, terrified he’d let go. John chuckled, flicked the television off, and set the popcorn aside— focusing entirely on me. 

“Let’s try the get knowing you thing again. If you’re comfortable.”

”Not really. But I can get comfortable. I want to be comforatable. With you.”

John scratched his head, he was blushing now. Has he ever done this before? Had he sat on this very couch and held hands with another boy before? I’ve never held hands with anyone before except when I was younger with Mom. Sometimes she’d hold me just ‘cause and gush about how much she loved me as if I would just disappear one day. I should’ve savored those moments, held tighter because she disappeared. Will John disappear, not like Mom of course, but just vanish from my life? Will I be able to handle it if he does? Why even bother letting him in, he’ll disappoint me one day and I’ll be hurt all over again. 

“I would like that for us.”

Us. John said us. That’s plural. As in he and I, me and him. Together, we, peas in a pod, inseparable, forever— stop. I’m getting ahead of myself, there is no forever, everything ends in one way or another. I don’t want to think about the later, my therapist always tells me to be present, that I get bogged down in what-if land and get stuck in things that might never happen. I control what is now. I control myself. Be present. Be with John. Be in this happiness, even if it’s for a moment or season. 

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Taylor Swift when writing this and I don’t know if y’all catch that subtle reference but wow 13 year old me JUMPED out.

**Author's Note:**

> God I wish I could finish one story before starting a new one. Big YIKE.


End file.
